I want to believe in something higher because it makes you feel like someone is always there for you. I haven’t seen anything to make me believe, but I just want to believe. Does that make sense?
This interview took place when we were on our way to a restaurant in early August. The one thing I love about our friendship is how real we are with one another. I often find her encouraging me to be more open and social, and this has helped my journey to becoming a more well-rounded person. Kahlea and I talk about random stuff like this sporadically, but the interview allowed us to talk about it all at once.
Here is her response:
What did you eat for breakfast?
Cause I don’t eat breakfast. I’m not really a fan of it, it’s pretty boring. It’s always the same stuff: eggs, bread and butter.
Is there anything you think about on a regular or daily basis?
What I would do in the future – I think about that a lot. Especially with the subject I’m choosing for university; it’s not really a conventional subject so it’s really hard for people to understand sometimes.
What subject is it?
Drama and performance.
What draws you to drama and performance?
Um, I’ve been doing it since I was young and it’s the only subject/hobby that I can express myself the most without feeling embarrassed. Especially when you put yourself in a different character’s perspective. The most rewarding thing about it is when you see how the audience reacts to you; either good or bad. It lets you know when to do better.
When you smile. (She laughs) When you feel euphoric.
Isn’t that the same thing as happiness? To be joyful?
Do you see a difference between happiness and joy?
No. They go in the same category. Just different versions of saying the same thing.
If I asked you to spill your heart out to me…
No, not on the train.
We both laugh, because we’re on the district line in the middle of the day; I can’t blame her. But I await an answer to this question!
Do you often feel lonely?
Yeah. I’m an only child.
Does being an only child make you lonely though?
No, not necessarily. For instance, I didn’t feel lonely when I was younger, and everyone used to say to me ‘I didn’t know you were an only child, I thought you had like 6 siblings!’ They say I’m so social.
But sometimes it does get lonely when you’re by yourself and you want to be with other people.
Has it become more prominent as you’ve grown older?
Yeah. Especially in exam season when you’re stressing out. It’s not that easy.
What do you buy when you’re treating yourself?
Hmm… (She smiles) Twix, Wotsits, Maryland cookies, Chinese food, McDonalds…
What’s your favourite Chinese place called?
How old are your parents?
I don’t know, they don’t tell me.
Name one thing that everyone but you seems to understand.
That’s a very broad question.
It can be something simple, like a subject or an opinion that people have.
Can we get back to that one?
Yeah. Is there something you want people to know about you?
I don’t think there’s anything interesting to know about me.
It doesn’t have to be interesting…
I don’t know. Um…
Or is there a thing that you wish you could tell someone when you meet them, but you can’t tell them straight away?
Not really. I don’t know, I’d have to think about that one too.
What do you want to be when you grow up?
I do not know. But, I would want it to involve something to do with the skills that come with acting.
Can you use an analogy to describe love?
Um, love is like your favourite food; you always want more.
Aw! That’s cute!
(I found that so simple and nice.)
Is there anything you get carried away with?
Having fun. When you have fun, you don’t want to stop. So you just get carried away with it.
Why don’t all friendships last forever?
Kahlea uses her relationship with a primary school friend as an example. They have reconnected and lost contact multiple times since they were 10 years old. They recently spoke a few weeks ago.
It could be circumstances. It could be that you lose interest in the thing that made you two connect. Fall-outs, and just moving on with your life. Loads of things actually.
What do you miss?
How creative I used to be. Because I don’t draw as much as I used to. Actually, I haven’t drawn in years. So when you gave me that book, it made me want to get back into it.
I gave her a sketchbook for her 18th birthday to encourage her to start drawing again.
Who do you miss?
I don’t know, it always depends. I can’t really think of someone right now. If anything, I miss a person if I haven’t seen them in a while – not if I haven’t spoken to them in forever.
Do you have a diary?
No. I did when I was younger, but I’d forget and never go back to it. I can’t commit, that’s it.
What do you think of social media?
Scary. Because you put yourself out there, and you can always compare yourself to other people. And sometimes you get carried away with likes. When I first posted on Instagram, my cousin was like ‘Don’t worry if you don’t get many likes’ but I’m happy with how much I got. But now it’s like I’m constantly looking, and I don’t want to because I didn’t do that before.
I think that what social media does is give you something to think about when you can really live without thinking about it! When I deleted Instagram during exams, I didn’t even miss it. And when it’s there, it just feels like an extra way to waste time.
What did you get in GCSE science?
(She scoffs) Actually, for the ISA’s, I got an A and an A*. But overall, I got a C, because of how I did in the actual exam.
If you could live in a different country, where would it be?
That’s hard because there are a couple of countries that I love. Hawaii – anywhere that’s tropical. I was born in Jamaica, I’ve always loved the heat.
How are you?
Fine, thanks for asking. (Laughs again)
Define ‘Expressing yourself’
Being able to open yourself up and allow people to understand you on a deeper level.
How do you express yourself?
One way is definitely through acting. Um, another way is by meeting new people in general. First ex-, first um… what’s it called again? First expressions influence people?
Oh first impressions count?
Yeah first impressions count, but that’s not always true. You can meet someone like me and find me very annoying, but after a long time you get to like me! So, I don’t know, that doesn’t even link to expression.
I think you can express yourself by meeting new people.
Or how you approach people. Because you can just show the truest form of yourself. Every time you meet a new person, you have the opportunity to be you, or to be somebody else. Choosing to be yourself is the best option, because you don’t want to lie. If you express yourself whole-heartedly whenever you meet a new person, that just shows you’re of good character, so I think that’s cool.
Purple or yellow?
Red or green?
Black or white?
Ooh. Black goes with everything.
I wanted to see if hesitation would be the most obvious with the ‘black or white’ question. I think it depends on if the person thinks about race or just colours.
Do you believe in God?
I just want something to believe in. I don’t just want to be walking around this Earth and think that this is it. I want to believe in something higher because it makes you feel like someone is always there for you. I haven’t seen anything to make me believe, but I just want to believe. Does that make sense?
Yeah. For me, I believe in God because I think of it as ‘If I don’t have God, what do I have?’ Praying for Results Day is an example. If I didn’t have God, I’d just be nervous.
Exactly. It’s like an alternative person to turn to.
Name an opinion of yours that has changed.
Um, you don’t always have to be nice to people just so they like you. During sixth form, I always tried to be nice to people, and I realised it’s not that beneficial. You can’t be close to people if you’re just nice to everyone. You’re just mutually there with everyone.
Have you ever been told that you’ve changed?
Yeah. But it’s usually from people in church saying ‘You’ve grown taller! You look prettier!’
Favourite TV show?
Can I give you a list? Teen Wolf, The Walking Dead, Riverdale, 13 Reasons Why, Scandal, How To Get Away with Murder…
Most of these shows are about death!
(She laughs.) I also like YouTube videos.
Awkward, bubbly, easily embarrassed, open.
Do you think you’re photogenic?
I realise that it is hard to claim yourself as photogenic.
Favourite type of sandwich?
Tuna and sweetcorn.
Do you really want to go to university?
Yes. At first I didn’t because I thought I wouldn’t get in due to how I was in Sixth Form. Getting in with a subject I like really makes me want to go.
Okay. We’re gonna go back to the two questions you skipped.
Name one thing that everyone but you seems to understand.
I don’t get it when people hate people that they don’t know. I also never understood assuming that someone is mean just because they’re pretty.
Is there something you want people to know about you?
Um, I’m a sensitive person, so don’t be mean to me. (She laughs) get to know me!
Okay. That’s good enough.
Then we got on the Overground to Shoreditch High Street.