How close am I to the jazz lounge
I’ve only ever seen it in my dreams In the same way that I see him When I close my eyes at night
When writing poems in the pages of novels
Peering out of windows from behind 3 monitors All it takes is some jazz and rain And I begin to wonder If this is it
Surely there’s somewhere else I belong
Where I can slide into my dreams with ease
I wonder how long I can keep up this gag
Until the desire to express overtakes me And I’ve no choice but to succumb.
At that point I’d be a slave to emotion
Incapable of turning my mind off Losing myself in thought Convincing others that it’s not a good thing
But proximity won’t let up
Because time only moves forward And I know one day I’ll arrive, The jazz lounge of my dreams
Open yourself up
even though that’s hard find someone who makes you believe they want to see that side of you that they can take it
allow them to be closed off to you
and stay down when they throw you away and tell you it was a misunderstanding
think about them
for months afterwards
let them back in
when they knock again
Something exciting is on the way.. stay tuned for my
poetry book! It’s been years in the making and I didn’t even know. I’m so excited. This Friday, we’ll welcome the old and the new with intention. It will be the end of an emotional (and beautiful) labour. 🤎
25.02.22 – Now available: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B09TDRL8KL/ref=mp_s_a_1_5?crid=3SV0DRR3DU7LB&keywords=you+can+change+your+mind.&qid=1645785169&sprefix=%2Caps%2C213&sr=8-5
I don’t want to be realised
I want to be known from the beginning, Fully understood and accepted By those who want what’s beneath the surface
Through tears I persist to envision this beautiful world
While holding onto lyrics for dear life and wondering why it’s taken so long for me to cry I’m the straw that broke my own back. I always knew strength was a hoax though weakness isn’t desirable either Now I don’t know what I see for mediocrity is proving to be the death of me
I won’t stop myself from writing about you,
even if it’s just for me. To wax poetic is the last thing I’ll let you take from me
I’ll explore this.
I’m open to opening up again
but only when it’s time
Next time I won’t underestimate myself
I’ll keep guard of my heart and never let it down I’ll never let myself down.
But thanks for showing me
there is some warmth I hold inside, A fuzzy excitement when my phone rings after I finally save your number
Or a good morning text
that I never hoped to see until now A how was your day as we share mundane details
You’ve shown me I can want it again
Though I wish it could be between us I see for the best, it shouldn’t be
And that’s okay with me.
This boundary is for the good of us both.
Access denied to Mr Unintentional, thanks for your company.
You asked me twice if I love myself
To which I replied yes So you should’ve expected me to say let’s not do this again
And if you didn’t
I guess you were never really listening, it was one of my reservations after all.
Today was hard because I wanted to hear & see you
But deprived of that, I see what I do need; a firm separation from you.
I rushed that.
Let’s just say,
I pray for strength ‘when’ you call me again may my memory never fade and my self-certainty remain and remind me to never give you another chance no matter what my heart says
Performing two of my poems: When will I cry & Maybe I’m just tired. May a word touch you!
It was such a loving and warm environment full of people who love poetry. I will be going back!
My head’s been hot for so long
and I’ve been waiting for the cold to seep in But now that it’s here I’m reminded of what I ran away from.
I’ve spent so long running from what I could feel
that running is what I feel to run from too…
But maybe I’m just tired.
Oh what if the sun is down when I wake up
And the blinds are too low And I don’t want to move And I think of all my affections…
Maybe I’m just scared.
but I don’t know how to fight this fear
even with God on my side
I should be honest with myself.
I fear the emptiness I’ve been running from
has been inside me all along The base feelings I’ve been taking about and the Malibu at the bottom of my cup
I’ve just been distracting myself
from who I really am and that’s quite hard to deal with…
But maybe I’m just tired.